Personal Thoughts on the Craziness and Sychronicity of a Peculiar Kind of Love

His pride was hurt by my rejection and he decided that he would punish me now for reaching out. His block of my number was intentional to send the message of how he wants me to feel. Also having his brother stop contact with me is another way to punish me and show his disdain of me. When someone has the feeling to punish or hurt you for rejecting them it is because their feelings are unresolved. He was hurt and heartbroken and now he wants me to feel the same way. He will cut off his nose to spite his face. If he truly didn’t care at all then he would have completely ignored me. Allow my calls to go to voicemail and never respond to my request to speak at all. He had to send a message to me that he was hurt and now he is angry at me. With this, I am sure he see the same syncs that I do and works to ignore them as well. The fact is we both need to move on. His love was real but he cannot deal with the intensity of emotions and so he runs and hides rather than confronts, deals with and puts to bed as a mature individual would do. He is still very emotionally immature and may always be. His internal pain makes him want to hurt and punish others rather than come to terms, forgive and let go of pain. I believe he will always be this way. He has always been that way and he has no reason to change his ways. Part of me is sad for him and I think that is the part of me that wanted to reach out. I wanted to grant him peace and some emotional security by trying to restore our friendship but it is and has always been naive of me to think I am able to do that for him. You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. My love for him still exists and so I reach out for reconciliation rather than hold bitter or angry feelings toward him. I allowed myself to get past those feelings and I had hoped that he allowed himself the same. He doesn’t understand my hurt nor my perspective and why I NEEDED to step far away enough to heal from it all.  He doesn’t see the practical reason to do that and so he doesn’t. He will have to bury that love he had for me and let it rot into hate/disdain. I am sad that he does this but I know him very well and am not surprised at all by his choices. I know now that he will never heal. He is very much like my mother. His pride is so deep, his ego so large that my rejection of him spelled out the worst offense anyone could do so I am sentenced to death in his mind (even though his heart won’t let go on a certain level). He will never let me back in in any way. So I wanted to know if what we had was real. I guess the term “real” is relative. For me, it was very real and the love I still have for him made me reach out and try to aid him if I could, which was probably not the best idea anyway. His love for me was real but not strong enough to overcome the ego at the end of the day. He is not ready to love on that level. He was the one who taught me that you have to be strong enough to love and I see now that he wasn’t. His fear and ego keeps him from truly experiencing love in ALL of its facets. Now I see what his Venus conjunct Mars and the South Node in Aries really means. Venus is already in its fall in Aries but conjuncting the South Node shows he loves selfishly and jealously. I know that I have to let go because I have my answer. The Universe provided it. He truly loved me at the level that he could. And I still love him (even if it is hard for my ego to accept it sometimes) and will always care on some level. But his life is not mine to fix. I have to move on to someone who can love and embrace me in all its facets and who can easily put the ego to the side to realize that love never goes anywhere and that it is worth fighting for. It is us who abandons love but love never abandons us. It is always there for us to realize if only in our own hearts. I wish that man the best. But this imperfect angel must fly away learning more and more how to use her own wings.

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